Things That Go Together & Things That Do Not
July 7, 2009
We went to see a few tear-jerker movies awhile back. Note to self: chewing gum and crying do NOT go together. Some of you may remember my post about good combos; things like hot yoga and cold water, upward dog and downward dog, hot fudge and vanilla bean ice cream and and I also wrote of bad combos, like texting and driving, cravings and diets, knee problems and running.
Add this to my list of Bad Combos: Chewing gum and crying.One thing I now realize is that you never, ever, ever see someone chewing gum while they are crying. At Michael Jackson’s funeral not one person in that entire colosseum was chewing gum. Except for that one family member, which just proves my point that you shouldn’t chew gum at funerals. Chewing gum is too sassy for sad moments. They just aren’t in sync. I found this out last year when my husband and I went on a date night (well, it wasn’t really “night”-actually it was an 11am matinee, which after 22 years of marriage qualifies as a time when we are both alert and inthemood for a date). We went to see “Up”. Our date-night (or date morning) routine is that my husband gets a medium popcorn and a coke because his movie eyes don’t work unless he has popcorn and a coke even though it it still morning. And the movie theaters are more than happy to sell you popcorn during breakfast hours. And since I am an old fashioned fitness sort who still believes in not having popcorn for breakfast I, have a rule for myself to only have three small handfuls of his popcorn. I eat it one kernel at a time and chew it until it is popcorn mush, enjoying every salty taste bud explosion. Then after my 3 handfuls (which are gone before the movie trailers are, or else my husband would’ve polished off the entire bag) then I get out a piece of Orbit Fresh Mint gum and chew gum to tell my mouth that popcorn time is over. It is a good system and I never feel too deprived. But within the first few minutes of Up, (and I hope I’m not ruining this for any of you slow pokes who’ve not seen it yet but oh well here goes) Ellie dies and here I am blubbering. I had to throw my gum out due to the physical challenge of my mouth being busy wondering what was happening in my throat in this tearful state.
Then soon after, my 15 year old daughter for the first time in six months said yes to my offer to go see a movie. What do you want to see I asked. My Mother’s Keeper, she says. Who’s in it I ask. Cameron Diaz she says. Ok, I say, thrilled that she wants to sit next to me out in public somewhere. Well, I have not cried this much since as long as I can remember and definitely not at a movie since Brian’s Song. It was worse and more continually heart wrenching than The Way We Were, It’s a Wonderful Life and Forrest Gump all put together. Again, chewing my gum while sobbing was impossible. But I did lose my appetite.
Anyway, since everything in life (including this) reminds me of a metaphor for fitness, the bad crying/popcorn combo thought reminded me that chewing gum is also a very bad combo with eating! And cooking! If you are a cook who tastes your way through the meal prep and sits down to dinner already full, get yourself some Orbit Fresh Mint. Keep it in the kitchen cupboard and when you start to cook, pop a piece in and notice how difficult tasting and eating becomes.Decide in advance when you will discard your gum. Do not let yourself take it out for anything, especially little tastes.. You must be firm with yourself for this one rule. No temporary gum removal. And I guess that means no onions since if you start crying you will run into gum difficulties.
And don’t rent My Sister’s Keeper. Trust me on this.