Hi Mom, It’s Me. I’m Homesick
September 9, 2011
Do you remember that feeling from your childhood? Maybe it was the first night at sleep-away camp or when you moved to a new town. For me even the word homesickness conjures a pit in my stomach. My memories return to first grade where, for the first time ever, my twin sister, Pam and I, were separated and put into different classrooms. The teachers cited independence and individuality but all I know is that it felt like I’d been shipped to Mars.
Every morning for six weeks, I’d wait until Miss Garzcyck turned her back to write on the chalkboard, then I would dart out of the room and barge into Mrs. Stewart’s class next door and scoot into the seat with Pam(who was not missing me at all, by the way). I always hoped no one would notice and by then I was not crying any more. I was home.
Thirty years later, I am dealing with that feeling again, only this time with my son, who just shipped off to college last week. He is every bit as homesick as I was. The only difference is that he is nearly nineteen, not seven. I keep telling him it will pass but he cannot hear me. After 256 text messages, I sometimes feel like telling him what my father used to tell me when my tears started to flow: “Stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” And although my father is still not what I would refer to as emotionally sensitive, there was some basis to this advice.
Back when I was in first grade, after six weeks, Miss G finally had had enough and one morning she grabbed me before I could pass through the doorway. She drug me back into the cloakroom and gave my shoulders a shake (the little sister of paddling) and told me through gritted teeth that she had had enough and I had to return to my desk.
Which I did. And I never was homesick again in first grade.
But. I haven’t yet told him to dry up or else. Nor have I shaken him (although both ideas have occurred to me).
Here is what I tell him. I am aware that the world can be a horrible place. I do not have all the answers. And forgive me if I sound like a spiritual goofball since I am never more annoyed than when someone mentions God several times in one conversation or when they tell me how many special miracles God has preformed on their behalf. All I know is that when all else fails you, praying can help. It helps you breathe better.
And yes, it is easy to be sad. But. It is easier to be happy. How is he supposed to do that he asks me? I have no idea. But I do know that he can find something to be happy about even if it is just listening to his favorite song. Each of us ultimately, is in charge of our own head and now is as good as any time for him to decide to start finding things in life to enjoy, even if things never get better than right now.
But making a list of things that make you happy can help.
Here is my happy list for this month:
1. Our electricity coming back on after a few days of Hurricane Irene rain.
2. Biking with my friends, stopping at a nearby apple orchard to pick an apple from a tree, taking bites all the way around the apple, then throwing it over my shoulder.
3. Riding in a boat at sunset
4. Lying in bad, almost asleep, and looking out my bedroom window when there’s a full moon and watching the stars come out
5. Pulling into my driveway after a long road trip with four teenagers, then rolling on the front yard with our dog who is even happier than me.
6. Reading the last few pages of a really good book, reading fast while also wanting to read slowly so the book won’t end.
7. Finding a dollar in my coat pocket.
8. My kids looking for me so they can give me a kiss (this doesn’t happen often)
9. Getting a hand written letter from someone I love in the mailbox (this happens even less)
10. Getting a phone call where the first thing I hear is “We’ve got some good news for you!”
11. Getting an email from my favorite people
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