The Money Diet & Eat, Pray,Love
August 13, 2010
You could say we are on a Money Diet- It’s sweeping the country in case you haven’t heard. 
My husband and I have vowed to trim our budget aggressively-In two years all three of our kids will be in college (gulp) so each month we cut out a few things out and we look at each other and say, that didn’t hurt too much,what else can we trim. There was an article a while back about shoppers going on a Shopping Diet where they tamed the urge to buy clothes by vowing to cease clothes-buying for one whole year. Well, this is somewhat similar.
I have an small idea to help you on your Money Diet as well. Save the $10 that you might be thinking of spending on the movie, and instead, just start to live by these, some of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Eat, Pray, Love:
- “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process.”
- “The Bhagavad Gita-that ancient Indian Yogic text-says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection. So now I have started living my own life. Imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now, thoroughly.”
- “You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight”
- “To find the balance you want,” Ketut spoke through his translator, “this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it’s like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.”
-”And then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly. You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions. The other problem with all this swinging through the vines of thought is that you are never where you are”
and my favorite
-”There’s a reason they call God a presence-because God is right here, right now. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time. But to stay in the present moment requires dedicated one-pointed focus.
A New Way of Looking at Scoliosis
August 10, 2010
Many of you have been inquiring about my recovery from back surgery and I am happy to report that I am pretty much back to normal, whatever that means. Although at my most recent follow-up exam, my magnificent Dr. S did remark that I do have one very serious complication with my spine. Turns out that I have an advanced case of idiot-pathic silly-osis (or was it idiopathic scoliosis?)
He tried to explain it to me. It made a lot of sense and explained quite a bit of my struggles with my teenagers, who do NOT appreciate silly, especially if it is their mom who is the one who’s being silly. As I understand it, my spine is now shaped like the shute on the Candy Land game board. 
As my discs have degenerated, they have been thrown out of alignment , thus they not able to support the weight of my spine equally on both sides, which has allowed the bones to shift, which apparently has caused a change in the position of my funny bone (who knew?) so that it is now bearing the brunt of my body weight and movement, which in turn, makes everything that I do and every word that comes out of my mouth sound- you guessed it- Silly.
Dr. S says there’s not much I can do about it and that they will find out more in the autopsy but until then I should just go out and live my life as best I can and to not take the diagnosis so seriously. He says that a lot of people go on to lead productive lives in spite of their silly-osis and that it could be worse. I could have Serio-sis, which would result in me being serious all the time, which would probably mean I’d fit right in at the ol’ Country Club and I could understand how to play Bridge and have meaningful discussions about foreign policy, climate change, soaring unemployment and ending world hunger. That would sure serve my kids right and prove to them how good they’ve got it now with me only having Silly-osis.
So I’m trying to look on the bright side. Silly-osis is very rare in women my age. Often young children develop it but it’s caught by the time they reach school age. Schools have developed an early-diagnosis program so that they can catch silly-osis before it becomes too life-threatening. The nuns from catholic school had all but eliminated silly-osis with the old smack of the ruler to the knuckles but since that’s not allowed any more there’s been an alarming resurgence in early childhood silly-osis.
And although I’ve tried to resist the urge to use the megaphone that I keep in my car to yell cheers at passers-by and to abandon my dear friend, Viola, 
I’m not having much success at managing my condition. My family has even attempted an intervention to stop me from bringing my vase-sized martini glass 
along to most social events, to no avail. I’m ashamed to say I play Taboo and Twenty Questions a lot more than would be considered healthy. And don’t get me started on the irresistible problems I encounter with Karaoke Night. I just can’t seem to get my condition into remission.
But I’m not giving up. Just last month I went to see a production Shakespeare in the Park. It was Othello to boot (although I admit that I left early. I told you it’s a struggle). And only yesterday, I considered attending a lecture on a documentary on the relationship between Art & War. I think that’s what it was about. Now that’s workin’ the program. Of course, I’m not feeling very productive. This illness is debilitating in that regard. Not much gets done, let me tell you.
The good news? Well, the good news is that silly-osis is not terminal. It’s manageable and eventually I hope to contain my outbreaks to the occasional situation where I trick my husband into taking me somewhere that has a DJ. This is where my inner-sillychild raises the roof (oo-ah, oo-ah-ah), donkey kicks (which in dancing-for-dummies terms is sort of like the cha-cha. Hands in the air while alternating horse hoof kicks- You know. 1-2-3 kicka hoof, 1-2-3 kick the other hoof, ) and I even find myself Moon Walking (even though I can’t do it which qualifies it as silly as opposed to impressive) in honor of The Man in the White Glove. So if you see me on the dance floor you’ll know that my hips are good as new, and that my back is better but that I am definitely a woman prone to the occasional relapse.
Call me Silly.
Sit Down-I’ve Got Some Bad News About Sitting
August 6, 2010
How’s your fitness level? I thought mine was pretty good. Then a few weeks back some shocking studies came out about the detrimental effects of sitting. 
I don’t remember the exact details but I think the bottom line was that all of us exercisers are going to end up dying just as early as we would if we’d never exercised at all if we don’t stop sitting around so much.
According to these studies, because I sit for a good portion of my day it’s a wonder I’m still alive. The thing is when I’m moving, I’m really, really moving but when I’m done, I’m really, really done. And it turns out that all of the sitting I’ve been doing for the rest of my day, at the beach or on the back porch can undo all the benefits of exercise. My chair is my enemy.
These recent studies have found that even if you exercise for an hour a day, if you sit for most of the rest of the day your risk for many age-related illnesses skyrockets. If you sit a lot, you’re likely to be as fat as you’d be if you didn’t exercise at all. You’re likely to die sooner, get cancer, diabetes or heart disease.
Now I’m still not convinced that the state of my health is all that bad. It’s not like I’m lazy, between cycling classes and yoga and intervals and laundry and kegels and flossing and rolling on the floor with my dog. But according to these studies there is a “physiology of inactivity” that when you sit for long periods your body stops producing as much of a molecule called lipoprotein lipase which plays a key role in how your body processes fats. And when we have less lipoprotein (you’d better sit down for this) we not only get fat, but we tend to get muffin-top fat- gaining around the waist. Ugh.
The good news is that just by standing, which forces muscles of the legs to contract, you can keep your metabolism revved up.
Scientists studied active men (who walked as average of 10,000 steps a day, measured by a pedometer) and asked them to cut back to 1,350 steps a day by doing what I do- taking the elevator, driving instead of walking, etc. And in two short weeks all the men became worse at metabolizing sugars and fats and they had all become fatter around the middle. Don’t panic, though. The study found that just by taking frequent breaks- standing and stretching or walking a few steps- those same men had smaller waists and better sugar and fat profiles than those who sat uninterrupted.
What to do? Besides getting a high desk and standing while doing desk work, or putting a treadmill in your living that powers the TV, a more realistic option is to watch TV in a rocking chair. Rocking takes energy and involves a continuous gentle flexing of the calves, which is enough action to stave off lipoprotein suppression. You could also sit at your computer on a big physioball which also uses muscles to support your back and keep from falling off. And bring on the fidgeting.
I also recommend getting a pedometer and challenge yourself to walk 2000 more steps (which equals one mile) each day.
The one thing I can’t help but notice as an aging fitness boomer is that even with vigorous gym-goers, weight gain is stealthy and surreptitious-
two pounds per year can leave us flabbergasted by the time the next class reunion rolls around. And we WILL all gain two to three pounds each year if we eat just 30 more calories per day than we burn. Thirty calories is a pittance. It’s about 4 potato chips, or a swig of Gatorade or two lifesavers.
These small bites of food can add up to morphing from a 125 pound 30 year old to being 25 pounds overweight by the time we are 50 years old.
It’s that darn butterfly effect of small changes making a difference over time. Not good.
You might not think you will be able to change how much you sit, but think about it- if you sleep eight hours a day and exercise for one hour per day, that leaves fifteen hours in which you can make small changes that cumulatively add up to winning the battle of the bulge.
And the battle of age related diseases.
Thanks to technology you might consider taking a walk while you take that conference call or moving around while you chat on the phone or text.
Okay it’s time- just stand up and get moving!
The Baseball Field- A Microcosm For Real Life
July 16, 2010
A coach once said to me that everything that happens on the baseball field is an example of issues we all have to deal with in real life. But I think Dave Barry’s baseball quote is more apt to our family’s relationship with baseball: “If a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she’d choose to save the infant’s life, without even considering if there’s a man on base.” This pretty much sums up our family theme in the summer.
Baseball Rules. My daughter and I try to be suitably worshipful. After a decade of baseball summers, we know what to expect (and more importantly what NOT to expect) and we are usually happy to HAVE a staycation rather than TAKE a vacation.
And this year more than most, we couldn’t afford to fly a family of five anywhere anyway, although we did drive more than 600 miles (in a row-which equals 11 hours in an enclosed space with 5 teenagers) which reinforced what Nora Ephron says, “The empty nest is underrated.” But in spite of all the baseball and in spite of making blueberry pancakes every day and constantly hanging beach towels out to dry, we are having a fabulous summer. One thing that my husband and I remind each other when our house gets loud and messy is that since our kids are all in their last few years of high school, we both know the day will soon come where there’s too much silence and not enough mess and it’ll be me and him swishing we had a baseball game to go watch.
I try to keep my attitude about baseball, and life in general, really, as close to Stephen Still’s “Love the One You’re With” because if you can’t be on the beach you want, Honey, love the field you’re on.
Speaking of sports reminds me of exercise which reminds me of working out, so I have to ask- Are you? The heat is a bit of an inconvenience but I hope you are still getting your 30 minutes or so of some brisk movement. In weather like this I often recommend just incoporating small stints of power moves into your day. Just 20 push-ups (knee-length is fine) and 50 crunches has lots of value over time if you are consistent about doing them everyday.
Some of you have been in my kitchen and know that we have a pull up bar on the dining room doorway. My kids think it’s a utensil and are surprised when they go to friend’s houses and there’s no where to hang from while waiting for the cheese on the nachos to melt. And there’s nothing like a few pull-ups to make you change your mind about the second bowl of ice cream. Pull ups go with ice cream about as well as orange juice and toothpaste; or tuna and peppermint.
Plus it gives me something to do when I come into the kitchen and forget what I was going to do.
My pull up bar is a good friend. I had a big break through a few years ago when we hosted a 3 day training workshop at my gym for a strength training program called Body Pump. On Friday, when it started, I was still unable to make it through my pull-up attempt, same as the past five months. My motto of never, ever, ever give up was starting to get on my last nerve.
By Monday, I could do almost three full pull-ups. This conditioning program using a barbell and high reps is a great program for those of you who can’t find your way around the weight room and need the guidance of a group-led class. I’ve seen many women redefine their max after years of exercising by adding a new, hard challenge.
Anyway, I’m only midway through my stay-cation so if you don’t hear from me in August, you’ll know our son’s teams are still winning, but that I’ll be back soon with lots of annoying toning tips and fascinating fitness facts .
Stay toned and tuned.
Patriotic Picnic Plan to Prevent Pig-Outs
July 2, 2010
If I could wave my magic fitness wand and sprinkle my make-believe diet dust and change one of your behaviors this weekend, having you eat only when you are seated at a table would have far reaching benefits beyond the final firecracker. You see, having to sit down to eat puts an end to much of the mindless munching that makes picnics notorious for overeating.
This is because a circuit panel in your brain has buttons that stimulate “feel good” feelings and the more we push them (through eating fat, sugar and salt) the more we want to push them. I could go into more detail, but that pretty much sums it all up. When we push buttons in circuit panels, whether it is mental buttons or buttons on the breaker panel in your basement, it is always a good idea to be aware that you are actually pushing them. Can you remember the last time you blew a circuit in your house and how you reset it? Did you go down and start randomly pushing buttons? Probably not.
So sitting down, rather than standing next to the 9 layer dip is a good way to take more conscious control of what goes into your mouth and in the trickle-down theory, what ends up on your tush.
It is such a struggle already to control what we eat. It would be so easy to blame the food industry (or your mom for being such a great Italian cook maybe) because grocery stores, not to mention food manufacturers, do everything imaginable to make foods look, taste, smell and feel melt-in-your-mouth delicious. It occurred to me the other day that there is an inverse relationship between how good a food looks and tastes and how healthy it is for you. The worse it is for you, the harder stores, restaurants and food companies try to make it irresistible. So with such a sensory overload, how do we stop overeating?
We have to have a plan. In technical terms it is called a countermanding action. So especially for risky eating situations like 4th of July Picnics, parties, visiting your mother or being home alone with half of a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies, you have to plan in advance how you will deal with yourself so that you don’t wake up Monday morning with that familiar sense of self-loathing and bloat.
Start by standing away from the food table. Have a healthy snack before. Drink 2 glasses of water before you have anything else to drink. Sit sown to eat. Chew each bite 20 to 30 times. Do all the talking while everyone else eats. Throw out what is on your plate that you don’t want to eat immediately. Don’t drink more than 2 alcoholic drinks and know exactly what non-alcoholic drink you will switch to. Don’t just plan to do these things in your mind. Tell your spouse or whoever you are going to the picnic with your plan. Out loud. So they hear you. Ask them to kindly remind you of your goals.
These tips all bore me to tears from hearing myself say them over and over but there’s a reason I keep saying them over and over. They WORK. But you have to actually implement them. Imagine waking up Monday morning feeling like jumping on the scales and looking forward to seeing what you weigh. Now that’s a star spangled idea.
We Don’t Always Feel Like It
June 25, 2010
I often feel misunderstood. If I am ever out walking my dog, and I never walk him as much for my exercise as for the pitiful look that he gives me when he’s been imprisoned all day, friendly people that know me roll down their windows and yell things like “You GO Girl!” or “Faster!” or the memorable “Your dog’s in better shape than I am!”
I want to set something straight right now. I can’t remember the last time I woke up in the morning and was raring to get to exercise class. As I lie in bed, the Other Penny whispers something like, “Let’s just sleep a few more minutes, the kids don’t really need breakfast”, or “I’ll work out tomorrow or maybe later today, just not right now.”
What I’m saying is we don’t usually FEEL LIKE IT. Of course lots of us like exercise once we get about half way through and everyone loves a workout after it is completed, but very few souls are skipping around the spinning room with joy prior to class. Most people come dragging in to morning classes, mentally limping.
There are a few exceptions, like the same people that enjoy sleeping on the rock-hard ground in a sleeping bag in a tent during August with a dozen boy scouts or those rare folks that single handedly paint the trim on their entire house or maybe someone who’d been mistakenly placed on bed rest for six weeks. Yes, these folks might feel anticipatory about their workout, but for the general population, this is the fitness exception rather then the fitness rule.
And of course, those who, over the years, are faithful in their fitness, don’t mind doing the sweating, because they’ve started to reap the benefits of feeling and looking better. These people tend to not mind exercise at all, because they’ve integrated the connection between their fitness regime and good bodily results.
As Dr Phil says, “You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it.”
This means putting on your running shoes and grabbing your ipod, even as the voice in your head concocts various excuses and ideas to avoid sweating.
You have to approach your workout plans just like you deal with brushing your teeth. Do you ever skip brushing your teeth because you brushed them yesterday? Or do you tell yourself you can brush them tomorrow or that you know you SHOULD brush, but you just don’t want to do it right now? Or how about saying to heck with brushing all together because you haven’t done it in so long, why start now?
Think of exercise as your anatomical brushing!
One way to get yourself moving is by using what I call self coaching. You have to learn to respond to that voice in your head in the same way that I talk back to the Other Penny. When she suggests sleeping five minutes more, I tell her we can take a nap later (even though she never feels like it after she gets her body moving) When she wants to skip a day, I tell her she might not feel like it but do it anyway. When she says she’s tired, I respond by saying five minutes is better than no minutes and that the hardest part is getting started; then it gets easier.
I also think that every time we give in to these sabotaging thoughts, we strengthen our giving-in habits and conversely, every time we resist these thoughts and exercise anyway, we strengthen our Nike (Just Do It) habits.
Another big part of a consistent exercise routine is making exercise a priority. You have to put it on your calendar just like any other important appointment. You deserve to put yourself first.
Another self coaching sentence you can use is to tell your self that you can be loose with your fitness routine OR you can be fit, but you can’t be both.
Or how about this self coaching response: I may not care if I skip my workout now, but I will care a LOT when I get on the scale.
Tell yourself NO EXCUSES.
Another important part of this self coaching is to give your self credit when you DO do it in spite of not wanting to.
You deserve credit every time you exercise, every time you stick to your workout plan.
If I am honest, I’ll admit that I really didn’t feel like writing today. It’s sunny and warm and it’s the first Friday of summer -this is what the Other Penny is focusing on. But I told her I had no choice.It’s good to strengthen my blogging muscle
I guess I deserve some credit. And now my dog deserves a walk.
11 Tips For Living a Shorter, Fatter Life
June 18, 2010
Give yourself 5 points for every yes answer and zero for every no answer.
1. When you regularly choose to skip your workout your chances of living a shorter, fatter life go up.
2. When you go to bed with a full belly, your chances of living a fatter life go up.
3. When you starve all day and eat a huge meal at night, your chances of living a shorter, fatter life go up.
4. When you drink three or more drinks a day, your chances of living a shorter and fatter life go up.
5. When you sleep less than 6 hours a night, your chances of living less long go up.
6. When you can’t see your toes because of your belly, your chances of living a shorter, fatter life go up.
7. When you skip breakfast everyday, your chances of living a shorter, fatter life go up.
8. When you are so stressed out that it keeps you awake at night, your chances of living a shorter life go up.
9. When you avoid stress reducing, mind-body techniques like yoga and tai chi or meditation, your chances of living a chaotic life go up.
10. When you never lift weights or do weight-bearing exercises like push-ups, your chances of living in a nursing home go up
11. When you eat lots of sugar, white breads and no fiber, your chances of living a fatter, shorter life go up.
Now add up your points and be honest with yourself.
55-40 Points-Congratulations! You will live the shortest, fattest life possible! Enjoy it while you can, It won’t be much longer.
39-25 Points- You’re doing okay with shortening your life span but if you just let yourself slip a bit more you should be dead before you know it, You’ve got several promising bad habits.
24-20 Points- You have your occasional slip-ups, but overall you are failing at dying early, keep trying though. All it takes is a little slacking and in a decade or two, you can undo all your success.
Under 19 Points- You’ve failed miserably at living the short, fat life. I hate to tell you that you’ll probably live a longer, slimmer life than most, but oh well, at least those smarties in the categories above won’t be around to witness it.
BBQ Rules For Men
June 18, 2010
BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is
important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime
outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the
following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes
dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man
who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone
where the
exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities
can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips
the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no
pleasing some women.
The Secret To Better Test-Taking & Other Answers To Life
June 18, 2010
Take this simple test.
Right now, on a scale of one to ten, rate your own energy level. Then rate your stress level. We will get back to this. Now take a peak at a clock with a second hand and count how many in-and-out breaths you take in one minute. Six breaths in one minute is ideal. Seventeen breaths is three breaths away from hyperventilation.
When you are breathing over fifteen breaths per minute (which is typical when you are stressed or rushed)
your brain is getting forty percent less oxygen than it needs for every day bodily functions. This affects your brain’s performance in things like test-taking and driving.
This oxygen deprivation is why kids who have studied for tests and know all the answers, do poorly when they get into the classroom-thanks to no oxygen to the brain.
Tell your kids to take six, 6 count breaths before they start their test- this should get them into a better college. You’re welcome. Also, we all know some people (moi) who cannot sit still as well as others.
This is due to an unhealthy cerebral spinal fluid rhythm, caused by-you guessed it-poor (or shallow) breathing! Did you know that there is a Pursed Lipped Breathing (PLB) Technique? You put the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth and it stabilizes your core! If your neck hurts when you do abdominal flexion (sit-ups), try this technique. Your core will engage and take over for the muscles you are straining in your neck. Who Knew? Your pop surprise bonus is that exercise helps you breathe better. It increase oxygen, therefore blood flow
to the brain, so you can think more clearly. Many runners and cyclists tell me that they do their best thinking (brain-storming, if you will) during their workouts. I used to think that my showers, post-exercise, felt better because I was sweatier, a blonde idea, I know, but now I think it feels better because my body is more revitalized from the vigorous breathing that exercise induces. Cool!
The way we can age stronger is by reducing our stress levels. We do this by breathing more slowly and deeper into the belly. One minute of deep abdominal breathing stops the production of adrenaline by the adrenals, two pea shaped glands that sit on top of the kidneys. Twelve minutes of deep belly breathing will cause your body to start releasing those “feel-good” hormones- like endorphins and serotonin, two of the poster children of the hormonal world. ENDORPHINS GIVE YOU A BUZZ AND SEROTONIN REGULATES MOOD, EMOTION, SLEEP AND APPETITE When we are stressed, the hypocampus, a gland in the brain, initiates a stress response that triggers a tremendous deterioration of the body. Every bodily function works harder to do it’s job. Not only does this drain your energy and make you feel more tired,
Just like someone digging a ditch with a shovelgets more tired than someone digging with a backhoe,but it also produces free radicals,
It also sends an alarm signal to the adrenal glands that react by releasing adrenaline.
Adrenaline races through our system triggering a release of Cortisol, which dips your blood sugar level, thereby triggering an “I need more energy!” response, which makes you hungry for some wheat thins or two bowls of Lucky Charms, which makes you gain weight, so your jeans don’t fit which pisses you off which makes you mean to your husband which ruins your marriage, causes divorce, financial ruin, contempt from your kids and in the trickle-down theory, ruins your entire life.
So I ask you. Breathe.
Deeper
Shame Based Thinking
June 11, 2010
First I offered you the idea of Shame Based Dieting, in which you post every bite of food that you eat on Facebook or Twitter for all to see in the hopes of pre-humiliating yourself into avoiding forbidden foods. Next I invented Shame Based Drinking which is based on the same premise only involving your alcohol consumption which will never work because I now know from conversations with my alcoholically-oriented Facebook friends that no one EVER admits to how much they actually drink and even if they did want to admit it, they could possibly be arrested and certainly have their children taken away from them for the things they consistently do while drinking(like driving) which are illegal in this country. One possibility is to offer Rat Out Your Friends Shame Based Drinking. I’ve noticed that although you may be reluctant to shame yourself by telling on yourself, your friends are not at all reluctant to tell those same shameful stories (only they can tell it better. If you don’t believe me, here’s what I mean- this is what your friends do when you are at your most shameful. 
They take your picture and post it on Facebook. If you ask this girl later what happened she’d say what a nice picnic it was.)You may think you are keeping your drinking private but you can be sure that your drinking buddies are emailing me and telling me stories about YOU!
This might be a bit off topic but since I haven’t exercised in three weeks and talking about workouts almost feels impossible for me and since all I’ve been doing in lieu of sweating is THINKING and since it’s a new week and I’ve done all this thinking and thinking rhymes with drinking I now offer you something that I don’t recommend at all but that I’m really good at: Shame Based Thinking.
Unlike Shame Based Drinking or Dieting, Shame Based Thinking only keeps you stuck. Women are really good at it. Men don’t do it at all, they just occasionally feel guilty which is not to be confused with shame. In my Workout World, Guilt is not as bad as Shame. Guilt is about what I did. Shame is about WHO I AM and that’s worse.
For example, last weekend, my mind was dominated with Shame Based Thinking over something that now sounds silly but at the time mortified me. Our son’s baseball game was rain delayed so we had about an hour to kill and we ended up with several other fellow baseball parents that we knew only slightly. We all went to a nearby Pizza joint. I enjoy this type of spontaneous gathering and immediately forced everyone to play my game Guess the Celebrity where I tape a piece of paper (or lick a napkin in this case) to your forehead and you have to guess with yes/no questions who it is. As the mini-wine bottles flowed (I told you it was a joint. I was just glad they even carried wine) I also continued to party-on by first wolfing my salad then mooching some pizza, then stealing my husband’s crusts (one of the main reasons I love him is that he leaves the bones for me) and dipping them in my left-over Ranch dressing-YUM! Only to be told when we got in the car that the guy sitting beside me owns several of New York City’s premiere 5 star restaurants (they might not technically be 5 stars but for the purpose of my story they might as well be because in my book 3 stars actually IS 5 stars.)
Ruh-Roh. Oh Lord, I’d picked on him the worst: forcing him to hurry up and order (by elbowing him) so we could play Celebrity (he was pretty good by the way) If you don’t believe me, this is his restaurant. And this one.
And this one. I was so embarrassed I spent the rest of the weekend shamefully worrying about him thinking what a hillbilly I am, which is really what I am but I didn’t want him to know it. You know?
My husband, on the other hand, said “Don’t worry about it- He doesn’t care.” And I know it never crossed his mind again. Nor did it probably cross the Celebrity Restauranteer’s mind either, I’m guessing. (Hoping.)
So anyway, I’d really like to stop my Shame Based Thinking. It’s time that we all stop feeling bad about who we are (especially us women). And I was hoping that by telling you all about it I might feel less ashamed but really I don’t. But I did have fun. And that counts for something I guess. Even if it wasn’t a 5 (or a 3) star meal.
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