Men Are PCs & Women Are Macs

April 22, 2010

I’ve decided that men are not actually from Mars, nor are women from Venus. We are not two infinitely separate planets swirling in individual orbits (with the exception of perhaps Sandra Bullock and Jesse James). My husband and I, when it comes to preferences, personalities, ethics and morality-you name it-we have much more in common than not. We both tend to chug rather than sip, we agree on the dog can lick the post-dinner plate rule and neither of us will ever apologize for enjoying sophisticated cultural features like Will Farrell movies.
Rather, I prefer the metaphor of men being more similar to PCs and women, to Macs. We genders are compatible MOSTLY and can usually figure out ways to overcome the occasional software glitch. For example, I’m a Mac girl. Occasionally I get the urge to complete my work payroll on my home Mac rather than my work PC.
I hit send, clap my hands and think I’m done for another two weeks. Then my boss emails me saying that my payroll opened on her screen as a thousand hieroglyphic characters that morphed into the face of Jesus if you stared at it long enough. So despite the genius efforts of the Einstein computer wizzes who’ve been paid zillions to design Microsoft Excel to operate on both platforms, there is a rudimentary difference that pops up occasionally which cannot be ignored. Sometimes PCs and Macs cannot get on the same page. Sometimes I’m just not meant to do payroll in my pajamas propped in my bed at 9:30 at night. I must get dressed and sit in my office. Especially if I want to get paid.
My husband is a PC guy and I love him despite this crippling disability. We also have distinctly separate interests in fitness activities-he leans towards the All-American sports like baseball and soccer while I’m more of a Jane Fonda girl- give me a Reebok Step and I can do arabesques and knee-repeaters ’til the cal(ories) come home.
But one platform upon which we both agree is that we both want to remain active (as active as we’ve been so far anyway) as we get older. He’s especially motivated since he was 41 when Brian (age 17) was born and he prides himself in thinking privately that he could still kick Brian’s ass if he ever needed to. Did I mention that Brian’s as tall as him now, can do 5 variations of pull-ups, has twice as much muscle as my husband as well as half the fat? Anyway, in Larry’s head, he’s still humming “Put me in Coach, I’m ready to play. Toda-ay.”
And ever since last week’s devasting study from Harvard came out that doomed older women by saying that old age obesity for us girls is coming much faster than we realize. It’s a freakin’ locomotive, bearing down on us, roaring down our tracks with it’s whistle blaring and us in it’s spotlight, unable to stop and us unable to get out of the way.
This study crushed any of our ideas that we could relax as we age and taper off on our fitness standards. Walk a bit slower? Maybe not quite all the way to end of the loop? How about we skip it today? Sorry. This new study (which was HUGE. It studied 30,000 older women for 14 years) has just smashed any of our hopes for doing less. Not only that, we have to do MORE. For LONGER! This study says if you are a female 55 years or older you need to do one hour of moderate (biking, BRISK walking etc) exercise every friggin’ day of the rest of your life with no more days off. OR you will gain weight.
And this is to MAINTAIN your weight, Ladies.
These brilliant !&!!?%$#@ Harvard scientists failed to mention what we’d have to do to actually loseweight as an older woman. I’m guessing it ain’t happening. They seem to be saying that if you go into menopause with extra weight, you are taking it with you. Unless you take up marathon running, I’d guess.
Anyway. Larry and I have recommitted ourselves to walking our dog, although I’m not even sure if my lab can take two thirty minute walks every day.
But. It will be good for us. I will never take up baseball and Larry surely won’t be showing up in Zumba class but most couples can find one thing to do together if they really try. Now that we’ve got the motivation.