Belly Fat-Muffin Tops and Meno-pooch
November 13, 2009
Belly fat comes in two radically different forms. One is slightly annoying and fairly harmless. It is the layer of fat directly under the skin. It’s called subcutaneous fat. Think of it as a layer of fat between the surface of the skin and on top of the belly organs. It’s also known as muffin top, love handles or jelly belly. The villainous other type of fat is called visceral abdominal fat, VAT for short. It’s associated with cancer and heart disease and a slew of other miserable age-related diseases. This layer of fat is beneath the organs and is what gives one that very rotund look of a potbelly. If you have ever heard of people with an apple shape, that’s a VAT belly. These VAT people are more prone to disease because of the nature of serious problems associated with visceral fat.
Another little known fact is that fat in the abdominal area functions differently than elsewhere in the body. It has a greater access to blood supply as well as more receptors for cortisol, a major stress hormone. Cortisol is a fight or flight hormone. But I call it the Fat Belly hormone. It’s levels rise and fall throughout the day but when you are stressed out, like when you are running late and stuck driving behind the drop-off bus,your cortisol level remains elevated. When you have consistently high levels of this hormone in your blood stream, more fat is deposited in the abdominal area because there are more cortisol receptors in your abdominal wall than anywhere else in the body. So stress can indeed make you fat!
Another switch that is triggered when we are under stress is the there is a higher Ph level in the bloodstream. This acidic level leaches calcium from our bones. So stress reducing activities, like meditation can help prevent osteoporosis. Who knew that lying silently on the floor could make your bones stronger- and thinner.
If we can reduce our stress levels, we can maintain a more alkaline level in our blood stream, which also helps protect our bones.
So reduce your stress by adding meditation or tai chi. It will help your metabolism work better so that your bones can remain strong so that if you fall, nothing will break. It will also reduce the fat-belly hormone so that you get a VAT. And as we head into the holiday season in this economic situation, it’s a profound practice- being able to calm your self down in the middle of craziness.
Bubbles or Pancakes-Which Butt Are You?
November 13, 2009
Last week my rant was about the two different types of belly fat. This week my rant is on the behind, the junk in the trunk, the caboose, patootie, booty, arse, badonkadonk, whatever you want to call it, you all know what I mean. I divide the world (of behinds) into three distinct categories: the first group has not enough butt, sometimes known as flat butts or what I like to call party platter butts. These are the people you see on America’s Funniest Videos in the pants-falling-down category (one of my favorites, much more enjoyable than the old folks-falling-down category). A little known side benefit of having some junk in your trunk is that it keeps your pants from falling down. Paula Dean is an excellent example. She is by no definition thin, but(t) her butt could be a sewer cap and when she wears spanks she is especially susceptible to losing her pants. (See video)The second group has too much butt and this is where the majority of adult women “end” up. They never lose their drawers. Ever. Instead, their struggle is to get their pants ON. The third group is bum-indifferent (about their own, that is).They never look back there and this lucky group has no opinion whatsoever about their own tush. Many men are categorized here. If you fall into this category you can skip the rest of this rant and go sit on yours.
Unlike belly fat which, if you have the bad kind, can be lethal, fanny bulge is just annoying and unhealthy in a more vague and overall unhealthy way. This is due to the anatomical fact that no vital organs are stored in our hiney, although I have known some men who’ve made me wonder if this is true for all humans.
If you don’t like what you’ve got back there, here’s what you can do:
If your rump is flat:
• Lunges and squats with heavy weights can give the appearance of lift and separation if you have good form. Lift a challengingly heavy weight for your size and work through your heels. By that, I mean keep your weight out of your toes, because you don’t want to work the front of your leg.
• Remember the Jane Fonda bridge? You lie on your back, feet under knees and pulse the hips up like 10,000 times. This will directly work the glutes. You can also hold hand weights on your pelvis as you lift or alternate legs for added challenge.
• Do stair climbing, either on a machine or preferably on real stairs. The major mover in your body when you climb is the glutes.
• If you really yearn for a bubble butt and don’t want to work for it (and it is hard work) you can purchase a handy little undergarment called Bubbles Bodywear,
which adds some silicone to it’s padded panty. Bubbles Bodywear are the Ebony to Spank’s Ivory. Uniquely similar in opposite, yet equally important ways. It may sound ridiculous but if those of us with a tummy bulge can spend $40 on Spanks then $30 for a bubble butt sounds like a reasonable investment to those who’d rather have something to show on their party platter.
Moving on to those of you with bigger bottoms than you’d like, here’s what you have to pick from:
• Do tons of cardio, preferably running or if not running, jogging. Nothing will change your rear-end size like high-impact cardio. Don’t bike a ton of biking or do heavy-weighted squats/lunges. If you do indoor cycling classes, keep your toes angled up and your heels in a dropped position.
• Do LSD workouts. This stands for Long, Slow Distance. Try for a 60 minute walk, vigorous golfing or tennis. Any length of time over 45 minutes will be burning fat stores and if your fat is in your behind then 30 minute workouts aren’t gonna cut it. This is hard to do if you hate exercise so find a buddy to walk with. It’ll help pass the time.
• If you’ve been in a cave and haven’t heard, there’s no such thing as spot reduction. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SPOT REDUCTION. There. Is.No. Such. Thing. As. Spot. Reduction. I hate to sound like a broken record but if your rump is too big, you just have to lose weight. In general, the densest weight stores are around the hips so if you drop the extra pounds, chances are it will go from your trunk. That’s the best I can tell you. I’m sorry.
• Wear black and avoid horizontal stripes around the midsection.
And finally, if you can’t be with the butt you love, Honey love the butt you’re with. Love the butt you’re with.
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