December 31, 2008
MY 2009 S.M.A.R.T. RESOLUTION IS TO_______________________________________
*I WILL START ON (DATE)_________
AND GET TO THIS GOAL BY(DATE_________
*I WILL (SPECIFIC GOAL, EXACTLY HOW MUCH HOW FAR ETC._____________________________
*I CAN MEASURE THIS BY COMMITTING TO________________________________________
(CALORIE COUNTING OR # TIMES/ WEEK PLUS HOURS/MINUTES PER TIME AND AT WHAT INTENSITY LEVEL)
*I WILL BE ACCOUNTABLE TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE1.__________________________________
BY HAVING THEM DO THE FOLLOWING IF I DO/ DON’T FOLLOW THROUGH_________________
*MY GOAL IS REALISTIC & I KNOW I CAN DO IT.
*I WILL TRACK MY DAILY PROGRESS BY WRITING IT DOWN ON(CHART ON FRIDGE, DAY PLANNER OR CELL PHONE TRACKER-90% OF SUCCESS IS IN ACCURATE TRACKING)________
I,____________________DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO MAKE THIS YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER YEARS BY HAVING A REALISTIC, CONCRETE PLAN AND COMMITING, WITH NO MORE CONSEQUENCES THAN AS A TESTIMENT TO MY OWN STRENGTH OF CHARACTER AND SELF-LOVE. I VOW TO COMMIT TO 21 DAYS OF MY MAXIMUM EFFORT TO ACHIEVE MY GOALS.
December 28, 2008
Let me give you the one plan you need for your New (or not new)Year’s Resolutions.
It’s so simple it might seem ridiculous.
But really, resolutions are all about changing your habits
and habits are just things we did yesterday and the day before
and the day before that.
The same can be said about beliefs that we hold. Beliefs are just thoughts that we keep thinking over and over.
And since it takes 21 days to instill a habit (or a belief)and only 72 hours to break one, the only big commitment on your part is to tow the line for 3 weeks.
All you have to do is make it to January 21st.
Make it 3 weeks and you can be your whole new you, the new improved you.
If you can make it 3 measly weeks
you will make profound changes that over time
will lengthen and improve your life.
Here’s what you need to do.
I use the acronym S.M.A.R.T.
as a way to getting to your New Year’s goals even if you’ve never been able to stick with it before.
S=make Specific goals ,such as I want to lose 2 lbs per week for a total of 20 pounds weight loss, NOT I need to lose all this weight I gained after the baby.Be specific, the more details the better.
M=Measureable-set goals that you can measure.”I will run 2 miles in 20 minutes;I will do 30 minutes on the elliptical at level 6″, NOT “I’ll work out more every week.”
A=Accountable-Tell loved ones about your plan. Ask them to help keep you on track in a loving way. Give your buddy a hundred bucks and tell him to give it back to you at the end of the month if you stick with your plan.Or get a wellness coach like me to keep you on your plan.
R- be Realistic-Don’t try to weigh what Anjelina weighs. Don’t expect to fit into your wedding dress in two months if it took you 20 years to get out of shape.
T=Trackable-Can you keep track so that you can see your progress? Mark it on the fridge calendar so you can admire the little check marks every time you open the fridge. Track your progress so that you can see your improvement over time
Habits, good or bad make us who we are. The key is controlling them.
If you use these tips to change your habits then even a small effort creates big improvements,
including helping you not get diabetes,arthritis, have a heart attack or get cancer or any other age-related, lifestyle related disease.Did I mention staying younger for longer
which includes not dying sooner?
Say you want to stop coming into the kitchen after 8pm at night. Pick a trigger(some coaches call them anchors) like counter push ups or deep breathing with stretches
and vow to do 20 of ‘em if you enter the kitchen after 8pm.
This reinforces your good new habit of fitting in exercise AND reminds you of your commitment to ending night time eating.
Sure your kids might think you look silly but they probably think a BOB (belly over belt) looks sillier.
Little changes, over the course of months, amount to big improvements, it’s just a matter of being SMART about how you tackle your goals.
Try if for 3 weeks and check back with me on January 22nd, if a bit of accountability helps.
Did I say Happy New Year?
Make this year your very best.
December 19, 2008
Instead of showing you a picture of me in a cadillac yoga position, I’m tickled to show you an article about me and something I made. In my actual kitchen.With food items combined to make what’s known as a recipe. My children and those who know me best understand the mind-boggling irony in any article featuring me cooking ANYTHING. I really could use a Baking Personal Trainer. But if I can make the newspaper for cooking something, then the hope of Christmas is alive and well. ANYthing is possible.
We had a snow day today, more Christmasy than Isthmus and conditions were perfect for baking. I love the idea of holiday baking. I just think that it is one of those activities that is wonderful as well as dangerous if cookies happen to be your trigger food, meaning you can’t eat just one.
These holiday treats that I made are a heart attack disguised as a peanut butter ball. They are delectable. It’s just that one small ball has almost 400 calories, most of them saturated fat and all of them empty (meaning no nutritional value at all) and as much as I adore them, the two bites it takes to eat one is not worth the 40 minutes of sweating that it would take to burn them off.
Scrooge? Maybe. My point though is to just have one (this year) and to enjoy it.
Sit down by the fireplace with a good book and a glass of milk(skim) and make it last a few minutes. Really taste and enjoy.
This is the opposite of what usually happens which is popping a few in my mouth as I head out the door. Let’s call it Holiday Mouth Minding.
December 17, 2008
(sung to the tune of Merry Christmas To You)
Biceps roasting like they are on fire
Your trainer keeps you on your toes
Barking orders to do more and go higher
And folks on their bikes in spinning rows.
Everybody knows a workout and a yoga pose
Help to make the season bright
Tiny knots in your muscles you know
Will put you fast asleep tonight
They know that Santa’s on his way
To having a heart attack on his sleigh
And every mother’s child will give a sigh
They know his cholesterol is way too high
And so I’m offering this fitness phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
You look like you’ve lost weight, have you?
December 16, 2008
(Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Dashing to the gym
To get my workout in
So when I dress tonight
My clothes won’t feel so tight
Be sure to drink eggnog
But don’t get really drunk
You’ll wake up in a fog
And in a really awful funk
Ohhh Fitness Bells! Fitness Bells!
Fitness all the way
Oh what fun! I’ll be your guide
And ask how much you weigh-ay!
Fitness Bells! Fitness Bells!
Fitness all the way
Oh what fun! To laugh and spin
-Hands off the fudge buffet!
A day or two ago
I thought I’d take a bite
And soon I must confide
My ass was twice as wide
There’s no one else to thank
If there’s more back there to spank
Just get your daily workout in
You’ll have Mizz Hoff to thank
Ohhh Fitness Bells! Fitness Bells!
Fitness saves the day
Oh what fun to start the year
With no toys in your sleigh.
Happy Holidays from My Workout World!
December 12, 2008
I went to my doc this week for my annual exam and after the joyless task of getting on the scale, she asked me if I knew how tall I was. “Shheesh.yes, of COURSE, I do.” I answered.
“Five Seven” I told her.
Then I went on to say “actually I used to be five seven and then about ten years ago I got miniaturized somehow and lost an inch. I think my kids must’ve beat me down in more ways than one so now I’m five six.
I’d call it at a little over five six.
Still almost five seven really.”
I admit this to her because docs have a way of getting the truth out of me that no other human being could pry from me, even by poking needles into my eyeballs.
The doctor’s form is filled out something like this:
Unprotected sex? Yes, but don’t tell my kids or I will be forced to lie to them.And in my defense, there’s no box to check to say how cute he was.
Experimented with recreational drugs? No.I mean, well, no. Yes. No. Can these things show up in your urine? ok, yes.My kids don’t know this either.
How often? Oh for criminy sakes does that really matter? I’m not running for president.
Have you ever smoked? I’m a fitness queen, not a saint!
And drinking? How much you ask? Can I substitute the words “times a week” for “drinks per week”? and does a globe of wine count as a glass even though it’s big enough for a goldfish?
I feel like scribbling in the margins “You want the truth Doc?
You can’t HANDLE the truth!”
My point is that I should’ve just insisted that I’m still five seven, no need to squabble about reality.
I simply prefer the model-esque ring of five seven.
She looked DOWN
at me now that I think about it
and said snidely”let’s just take a quick look.Hop on.”
Blindly I stepped back on the scale-who’s idea was this to make women get on a scale, the mini evil torture chamber of every well-stocked bathroom, to check your height? Some man I suppose.
Anyway I humor her and step on the gallows and she says “You’re five five.”
(dead silence from me)
Look I was fine with five six. I’d accepted it and moved on. I’d almost forgotten the sweet memory of five seven. But.
I am NOT five five.
Yes my former doctor replied.
The rest of the exam was a blur of stirrups and speculums(I’ve never liked the sound of that word much either) while I tried not to cry on my paper gown.
Luckily none of you were on the road last Tuesday afternoon while returning from the doc’s because my mind lurched every time I passed a speed limit sign,
mocking me with those double digits that earlier this morning were innocent numbers.
MPH now stood for “My Pitiful Height.”
She might as well have told me I’d turned into a monkey. It was that hard to get my mind around.
Weight fluctuates. That I am used to. I’ve even remained calm during a twin pregnancy and the 50 weight gain that accompanied that. Up, down, up, no problem.
Lots of bodily parts and bodily functions fluctuate. Hair,moods, even skin and temperature.
But height, after your teens, does not go up then down then up. It is as predictable and unchanging as your birthday. I thought.
Here all along I’ve been thinking my teenage kids were getting taller but actually I’ve been getting shorter.
I expected my height to always be there for me and now it’s one inch closer to the ground. We will all end up on the ground someday anyway,I guess.(sigh)
An inch! Whoever said an inch doesn’t matter is either tall, lying or already well-endowed.
And later on, after I’d finished ruminating on why it wasn’t the other way around-my height staying the same and my weight going down instead of my height going down and my weight staying the same, it dawned on me why I was so upset.
I have always used the weight to height ratio calculation to gauge how much I should weigh. This rule says 100 pounds for five feet and five ell-bees for every inch above that.
So at my former height of five seven, I am at my ideal weight when I weigh 135 or under. This is doable with some diligence. Five six means I have to strive for 130 which is more of a magic number these days as opposed to 134 which I think is my set point.
The horrible truth of this situation is that at five five, I am only given …..one hundred …twenty….five pounds! I haven’t weighed 125 since, well, since before I did all those things that I had to check yes to on the doctor’s form.
I want to be able to weigh what a five seven woman gets to weigh.
Why? Because my body doesn’t know it’s five five. My body still thinks it’s five seven. Or is it really still five seven but my physical inches are just not showing up on the measurer-thingie. Like when we know we’ve lost weight from working out because our jeans feel loose but we still weigh the same.
Answer me this-if muscle weighs more than fat so you are really thinner then what is taller than inches when you get shorter?
(Maybe it’s brain cells when I go back and reread that last sentence)
So. I guess I will try to stand tall and hope my missing inch shows up eventually. Because at this rate, losing an inch a decade, I will look like Dr.Ruth by the time I’m her age.
And posture always has been underrated.
December 12, 2008
Sitting here by my fireplace with exactly two weeks left before Christmas, I’ve finally broken through my holiday procrastination and have started making some big decisions, like “Do we get our son the Xbox 360 OR do we send him to college?” and “If I really hate sending out my annual Christmas card but love getting them, is it okay to send an email holiday greeting under the guise of going green even though I’m really just lazy?” and “Since I eat half of the yummy family fudge that I only make at Christmas for the very reason that I eat half of it, can I not make it and save everybody the two ell-bees?”
So I’m not baking this year. It’s too costly in ways beyond finances and I’ve decided that instead I’m giving everyone a homemade Christmas song. It is still in the half-baked zone but I will present it to you all as my holiday gift when I’m finished cookin’ it up.
For now, I want to present to you my
Holiday Fitness You’ll Log
This is a hypothetical journal of what I hope and imagine YOU’LL be doing this holiday season to stay on the fitness Good Boys & Girls List. Just for the record I will be checking it twice.
*YOU’LL decide now and make an inner pact with yourself to workout X number of days per week throughout the holiday season. Pick a number of workout days that are reasonable and stick with it. No matter how fat you feel or how hungover you are.
*YOU’LL put on your own life mask first in order to better rescue others. This means YOU’LL LET IT GO
and take de-stress breaks when you feel holiday panic as in“OMG!! I forgot to go online at 5:59am to get in a virtual line of 50,000 other (better) moms to enter the lottery to get one of the last 20 Tickle-Me-Elmo Dolls that I promised I’d get for little Suzy cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die!” You’ll LET IT GO.
*YOU’LL start every party with the latest bar drink called a Mistletoe- it’s seltzer w/a splash of cranberry juice (or ACAI JUICE!!!!!)plus lime. I made this up but if you ask the bartender for it and then splain to him what is in it we could have a drink movement started (an un-drink movement rather) then move on to wine, then alternate mistletoe, wine, mistletoe…do I really need to splain why?
*YOU’LL control excess calorie consumption of low NCR (Nutrient to Calorie Ratio) foods by using the delay technique. These are the yummy things. Don’t say “No, I am not allowed to have that delicious yet forbidden delicacy that is only offered to me once every 365 days.” That’s just plain sad at Christmas. Say (to both yourself and your host) “I’ll have some a little later.” This is known as the Hoffinator Delay Technique. Then see if, five minutes later, the urge has passed. In 94 times out of 100, you don’t even remember what you passed up.
*YOU’LL get eight hours of sleep. Preferably nine.
*YOU’LL make sure your camera is charged, repaired and in your purse so that YOU’LL remember that wonderful moments sometimes happen in the church parking lot on Christmas Eve and
*YOU’LL also let someone take a picture for you so that you can jump in the shot and actually be in some of the pictures from 2009.
*YOU’LL laugh really hard at least once a day. Tickling may be required to make this happen.
*YOU’LL focus on something joyful very day, like your dog or your botox or by watching Forrest Gump or A Christmas Story since it is on 23 hours out of every day during Christmas. This is for a very good reason. It is true and funny. YOU’LL watch it and smile.
And there you have my Holiday Fitness You’ll Log.
Use it to fill your home (and your gym) with joy, your heart with love and your life with laughter.
December 10, 2008
I’ve been into making lists lately. Lists are good. They help you accomplish your goals. Write ‘em down, check ‘em off.
Sometimes, I find myself making other lists, silly lists, lists that don’t help get things crossed off my calendar any more than twindling my thumbs does.
But they do keep me off my husband’s case and out of my childrens’ FaceBook pages and hopefully the mental distraction will contribute in some future way towards the delay of my Alzheimer’s that will surely set in after all the non-organic produce that I’ve consumed in the past four decades.
See if you like my lists.
Like the following list of things that go well together, which led to a list of things that do not go well together which then led to a list of things that are unlikely good combos and then finally a list of trios of things that go well together.(Was that a list of my lists?)
Anyway here goes:
Things That Go Well Together
*Ice cream and hot fudge
*Men & women
*Patrick & Spongebob
*Porn & masturbation
*Rainy days & naps
*Sunny days & beaches
*Hammers & nails
*Piss & vinegar
and for my fitness matches-
*Upward dog and downward dog
*Push-ups & tricep dips
*Hot yoga & cold water
*Sprints & recoveries
*Pregnant ladies & aqua classes
*Sweaty men on fitness equipment & towels
*Obesity & Exercise
*High blood pressure & exercise
*Diabetes & exercise
*All other age-related illnesses & exercise
(Exercise WELL goes with more things than all the other individual things listed here on all my lists put together)
List of Things That Do NOT Go Well Together
*Drinking & driving
*Texting & driving
*Cravings & Losing weight
*Macs & PCs
*Yoga & hangovers
*Pregnancy & bedrest
*Knee problems and running
*ADHD & yoga
*Binging & exercise
List of Unlikely Yet Good Combos
*Forest Gump & Jenny
*Clay Aiken & fatherhood
*Ex-lovers & restraining orders
*Biting & spanking
*Spinning & hangovers
*Depression & exercise
List of Good Trios
*Sex, drugs & Rock n Roll
*Father, Son & Holy Ghost
*Ask, believe & receive
*Mind, Body & Spirit(Ideally)
*shower, sh__, shave
*Abs, buns & thighs
*The words”3 more!2 more! Last one!”
*warm-up, workout, cool-down
*lose 5 ell-bees, gain 1 ell-bee, lose 2 ellbees
When I think of how exercise is the one thing that we can all do to stay younger for longer, it gets me very revved up. Exercise is free, it makes you feel better, it is good for your lungs, your heart, your brain (and your mind).It’s good for your sex life and your productivity and your patience and your dog.
All of the age-related illnesses that we read so much about, many of which are considered to be long-latency illnesses that come on over many years, can all be reduced through regular exercise over time.
December 5, 2008
6:07am-Woke up in a panic thinking kids overslept.
6:08am-Remembered with relief no school today. Vowed to go back to sleep.
6:15am-Too thrilled with the idea of being able to sleep-in to actually go back to sleep. Rededicate my effort to try harder to relax.
6:25am-Effort fails. Get up to make coffee.
7:30am-Hunger pangs. Briefly consider skipping breakfast to bank calories for big dinner later then remember that starving makes me bingey. Rookie mistake. Have Cream of Wheat, banana, handful of vitamins and extra coffee for workout.
7:48am-Have last minute ingenious idea for spin class that starts in 12 minutes. Attempt to turn on computer, download songs from Itunes to computer to Ipod while flossing teeth and filling water bottle.
8:01am-Race to club and realize that spin class is extra long today to bank some calories for later. Have momentary thoughts of quitting my job then remind myself that’s why I love my job since it makes me exercise even when I don’t feel like it.
8:40am-Remind everyone in class that the past 40 minutes have been the amount of time it will take to burn off one small piece of pecan pie ala mode. Heads drop in the humble cruelty of this naked fact.
9:18am-I can’t take this anymore! Get me off this bike!
9:31am-Second wind arrives like a breeze fed ex’ed from Cabos San Lucas. I could spin all day. But relieved to know class is almost over. I can do this.
10:00am-Smiles and empty water bottles everywhere. Time to cook. For most people that is.
10:24am-Starving again. Really want to just say no. Argue with myself that not eating after exercise makes metabolism funky. Have a small protein shake and enough water to float a Macy’s Day Float.
10:30-That reminds me. Turn on parade.
10:35am-Turn off parade. Roust the kids. First in the shower so I get some hot water!
11:00AM-Finish ruining the only food assignment I am to bring to our friend’s house. Deviled eggs.
11:17am-Frantically look for deviled egg tray that I got 21 years ago for wedding present. Give up and put eggs in Tupperware even though I know plastic is evil.
11:58am-Lay out kids’ clothes, even though they are teens, to trick them into wearing apparel that they wouldn’t be caught dead in.
12:10pm-Argh! I won the battle to get them in the clothes but now notice the pants are all floods!
12:33pm-After twenty minutes of searching for longer pants and now being convinced that pants are somewhere with egg platter, I surrender and let them wear what they originally wanted. Hubby lays down on couch and says he’s taking a nap wake him up when we are all dressed. I do my 6 rounds of 6 count breaths.
1:30pm-Arrive underdressed at dear friends’, who are not only great cooks but unfairly (yet wonderfully, ) also live in nice mansion.
1:36pm-Mind-boggling sight as we arrive. Friend is on back porch of mansion deep-frying a turkey! In a tie! With no mess! I can’t even deep-fry a chicken nugget without splattering the entire kitchen!
1:40pm-Wonders continue as we enter mansion and smell another turkey roasting in the oven. Just for a taste-testing purposes.
1:45pm Offer to help cook but get in way instead.
1:55pm-Give up the ruse of helping. Sit down in kitchen and watch.
2:00pm-Feel guilty watching. Go on Re-con mission to investigate home gym. Find bi-annually used ab cruncher and vow to get one.
2:12pm-Back in kitchen. Accept offer of glass of finely aged wine no doubt a Rothchild 1940-something, in spite of the fact that it is 2pm on a Thursday and in spite of the fact that I like wine more than wine likes me and simply because I never get to drink wine that costs more than $10/bottle.It is deliciously thirst-quenching.
2:16-Ruminate on that sad fact that I have high-end taste buds and low-end wine budget.
2:25pm-Observe hosts descending on kitchen island with side-dish after mouth-watering side-dish, each one more delectable than the one before, each recipe having been handed down generation to generation with each descendant perfecting the recipe in subtle yet mouth watering ways so that by the time I put them on my plate(a smaller plate this year I swear) I am practically weaping tears of joy.
2:30pm-I succeed in my vow to enjoy every bite, on a day where too much eating is barely enough.
3:01pm- In an act of devotion more onerous than unloading the dishwasher hubby offers to do the dishes, which stirs a spark in my groin. Except that I am too full.
4:45pm-Hugs all around as we leave our friends who love adopting off orphans but are probably glad to see us go so they can unbuckle their own pants.Home to unbuckle our own britches. All conditions for sleep are at hand-a full belly, darkness, warmth.
7:00pm-America’s Funniest Videos is on.Laughing aides digestion
8:59pm-Another Thanksgiving dinner done. Happy that I didn’t miss any moments this year frowning at the tight sensation of my waistband.
Sometimes the irreversible IS reversible.